


Jedi or Queen?

by CavannaRose



Series: Star Wars Fics [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Expanded Universe, Star Wars Legends: Young Jedi Knights Series - Kevin J. Anderson & Rebecca Moesta
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Light Angst, Past Relationship(s), Price of Power, Responsibility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6184984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CavannaRose/pseuds/CavannaRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tenel Ka Djo considers the path her life has taken, and the decisions made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Tenel Ka Chume Ta' Djo. Very few people were honoured with the life she had led. She had been witch, Jedi, Queen, general, lover, mother... All that and more. She curled the fingers of her single hand into a fist. Few people had failed at so many roles. Though the Dathomiri ways swam through her veins, she had not the gifts to be a witch. Though she had worked as hard as any at the Academy, she could not be a Jedi and do what her father's people needed of her. As a Queen and general she had sacrificed fleets for the love of a man. As a lover she had watched that man sink further and further into the dark side of the force, until she had lost him completely. Her worst failure by far was the role of a mother. She couldn't keep her daughter safe. There were so many risks, and she was so very weary._

Tenel Ka had a grace and fluidity of motion that most people would not expect from a woman with one arm. Her Dathomiri roots had established the base, and her training at the Young Jedi Academy had perfected it. She had pushed herself harder than any of her classmates, something inside her needing to be better, faster, stronger. She'd almost given up on all of it after the accident took her arm, but the support of her friends had persuaded her to overcome the disability. Deciding to leave the Jedi to take up her father's position within the Hapan Empire had been the hardest thing she'd ever done.  
  
Being borne of two diverse worlds, she had never felt that sense of belonging so strongly as she had amidst the other apprentices. She'd rarely felt it since, except for that brief time with Jacen, but now even that was gone. So she had retreated, hiding behind trade negotiations and the demands of her new role. Every day there was a little less of the force warrior princess that had been so eager to learn, replaced instead with a cold and shrewd leader. Her people prospered, and they loved her for it, but she only had love for her daughter.   
  
Product of her indiscretion with the eldest son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, Allana was the light of her life. With her, Tenel Ka felt like her old self, face alight as her daughter showed signs of Force sensitivity. She wanted to honour her mother's heritage, teaching Allana the the ways of the Dathomiri, a path that appealed to the young girl than the Hapan court manners, much like the former Jedi Apprentice had felt herself as a youth.   
  
Late at night, just the two of them tucked up in their rooms, though, she would whisper tales of Jacen's family to their daughter. The heroics of Luke and Leia, the swashbuckling adventures of Han, and even the odd tale of Tenel Ka's own time at the Academy with Jacen, Jaina and the others.   
  
Today, however, the fiery haired female was free from the demands of both power and family. Her meetings had gone swiftly for once, and her daughter was off on some holiday with royal cousins of some sort. Taking advantage of the calm, she headed to her garden. A place of silence and serenity. No one would disturb her here, at least not right away. Once within her sanctuary she shucked the elaborate overgarment that she wore for matters of statecraft. Underneath she wore the much more comfortable and sensible garb of her Dathomiri relatives. Only then did she pull out her lightsaber, fingers gently wrapping around the rancor tooth handle.   
  
She closed her eyes, finding the calm in the centre of her stormy personality. So many roiling emotions just beneath the stoic surface she showed the world, and under them, the solid core that her unique connection to the force allowed her. She could feel the others out there, safe pulses of life along the web, but she would not reach for them, She had too many secrets now, had held herself apart far too long. Instead she went inward, settling deep inside herself, until there was only Tenel Ka and the Force.  
  
Her lightsaber buzzed to life with a deft snap of her wrist, slicing through the air in a motion as familiar as her own breath. She went through the patterns; parry, parry, block, strike. Over and over, her blade a turquoise blur, her braids whipping wildly about as she leapt and spun, facing imaginary enemies, or maybe just the demons in her own mind. She'd learned the motions so long ago, and they flowed from her like some primal dance, easing the tension in her spine and lightening the weight in her heart.   
  
Whatever she faced, whatever new trials life aimed her way, she always had this. It was a part of her. The air around her grew dark as evening set in, sweat was heavy on her brow, falling from her face like rain when she moved. With one last heaving breath she silenced her lightsaber, tucking it away in her sash, hidden but not forgotten. She had not felt this calm in weeks. All things considered, perhaps the Hapan Queen Mother should take time for these bouts more often. Maybe get some wooden practice swords made to spar with Allana when she returned.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The one-armed redhead stalked through the halls, head held high, chin up. Her Hapan family had taught her the skills of pretending one was above the common crowd, her Dathomiri mother had taught her to listen without seeming to. All along the halls of the Hapan Queen Mother's court were whispers, rumours, hushed voices and eyes that tracked her every movement. Tenel Ka pretended that she heard none of it, but in truth the former Jedi followed every murmur with abject attention, as if her very life relied upon it.

Darth Cadeus. The name was on so many lips, but none would admit to it. Particularly here, in the heart of the Hapes Consortium, none dared speak of such things in anything above a hush. Worse than the rumours that the Sith lord was gathering power and strength, were the speculations as to his true identity. Some things could never be kept secret, and Tenel Ka struggled to keep her face neutral as the truth, or at least one version of it, ran the length of the palace's rumour mill. Jacen Solo. The man whom she had loved. The son of legends, and the father to her only child. How that tidbit of information had been disseminated to the rank and file, one might never discover, but it was the current weight upon the regal woman's shoulders.

The leader of the Hapan people swung open the doors to her private chambers, all but slamming them shut behind her. It was not until she was safely within the privacy of her own quarters, that she let the weariness of the day overcome her. Careful of her balance, as only those missing a limb could be, she sunk to her knees, slowly folding in on herself until her forehead touched the floor, her elaborate braids spreading across the tile as if they too, wished to escape her head. She was a warrior and a Queen, and she would not let this weaken her, but for just this single moment in time, she let the emotions shake her body. There were no sounds, no sobs to mar the silence of her rooms, no tears to track across her cheeks. It was nothing dramatic, not like the hysterics Allana could manage when she wished, but for Tenel Ka, it was the closest she could permit herself to a breakdown.

He was lost to her, that much was glaringly obvious. Despite everything, there had remained within the one-armed woman the hopes of a young girl. He had been her first love, her only love, but she simply had not been enough. Part of the former Jedi worried that she had been the first step along the path to the dark side. After all, extreme emotions, giving in to them, was frowned upon. She had stepped away from the Order, but even here she had held on to their tenets as much as possible. Jacen had always been... freer. It was part of his appeal to the young Dathomiri, but she feared it had also been his downfall.

How much more could she have offered, as a lover, as a friend, to save him from his own dark desires? How could she have been so close to the man now known as Cadeus and not seen the sickness within him? They had shared so much of themselves, but she had been blind when it mattered most.

A knock came at the door, hesitant, the person on the other side afraid to disturb their leader when she had retreated for the evening. The tentative voice came through, detailing a matter of pressing urgency. Tenel Ka took several long moments to gather herself, breaths coming heavy and hard as she marshaled her emotions, corralling them back to the corners of her heart where they would not effect her judgement, or the stoic facade she presented to the world. Though she had not wanted the leadership of her people, they were her responsibility. She was their rock, their light in the darkness, the foundation of their beliefs and she could not crack before them.

When she emerged from her chambers once more, none could imagine what had transpired behind the closed doors. She was every inch the Hapan Monarch. Face calm, collected, wardrobe and hair immaculate. With steady strides she returned to the meeting room, prepared to face yet another disaster. Rumours and sorrow would have to wait, for the Consortium came first. It came before her own desires, for that was the cost of power. Responsibility was not something you could pick up and put down at will.


	3. Chapter 3

When you withdrew your people from the Galactic Alliance, a certain amount of backlash could be expected. Still, the current Chume'da of the Hapes Consortium felt no regrets. Tenel Ka was not one to make decisions hastily, at least not anymore. That had been a habit of her youth, tempered by time and tragedy. She'd learned to be a patient, careful leader. For her people, for what was left of her family, but most of all for her daughter. Allana was all that mattered.

The Alliance wasn't known for making violent examples of those that failed to uphold their parts of bargains, but the outspoken Dathomiri-raised redhead had ruffled feathers. She knew the risks she had taken, and did her best to smooth the hackles of those that most mattered, the rest she knew would come out in the wash, if they dared be so bold. So much of what went on in politics was simply griping behind closed doors.

She might never know what had awakened her, in truth. It felt like a familiar voice, whispering across her consciousness, touching places inside of her that had long been bereft. Perhaps it was her own keen senses and force sensitivity, trained so long ago, in the wilds of Yavin 4. Whatever it was, the Queen Mother startled into full wakefulness, single hand instinctively reaching for the curved tooth handle of her precious lightsaber.

Clad only in her sleeping robes, she dashed across the royal chambers, only one thought on her mind. She must get to Allana. Allana was in danger. That oh-so-familiar voice murmured comfortingly in the quietest corner of her mind, assuring her that it was not too late, that she would be on time.

Tenel Ka burst into her daughter's room, arriving just as danger set down mere feet from her precious child. The feline jowls of the Bothan curled up disdainfully, one clawed hand clasping a blaster. The former Jedi shouted, gesturing with her stump, something she rarely did, and using the force to bundle her daughter in the blanket and roll her off the other side of the bed. This startled the alien assassin, clearly not being aware exactly what he was risking entering her home.

Messy braids flying around her face, she crouched low, the crackle of her lightsaber filling the room as it burst into life in her hand, a grim scowl darkening her forehead. She advanced on the invader just as he drew up his blaster. The blade of her saber flashed and sung as she deflected the beams from the blaster, sending them back towards the Bothan where they burnt holes in the walls and curtains, shattering several knickknacks on Allana's shelves. Still she advanced, feet moving more lightly than if she were dancing, robes and arm a blur. Finally she had made it close enough, the sizzle of the blade slicing through the interloper's blaster a satisfying counterpoint to her own heated breathing. She hipchecked him into the wall, silencing her lightsaber and holding the polished tooth of the handle against his throat.

"Who sent you? Who do you work for?" She ground out her inquiries with a harshness that rarely passed her lips, eyes darkly intense as they trained on his own. "If you won't tell me I swear by the Nightsisters I will rip the information from your brain." A small coo of distress sounded behind her, and she remembered her daughter. Still holding the would-be assassin against the wall with her arm, she turned to look at the girl, so much like her father had looked when he was young. Allana shivered.

"Mama..." She didn't need to finish her statement, the fear and slight recrimination in her eyes enough to snap Tenel Ka out of that first flash of rage. Just then, the royal guards managed to stumble into the room, finally alerted by the hubub. The Chume'da released her prisoner into their custody, stepping away to open her arm to her daughter. Allana paused for a long moment, every second of it like a dagger in her mother's heart, before rushing over and wrapping her slender arms around the former Jedi. She held her daughter close, burying her face in the young girl's hair and whispering words of comfort for them both.


End file.
